Hello! I had to write about these two words.
I've been reading a book by Leonard Sweet called "The Gospel According to Starbucks" Chapter 6 of Sweet's book provided me with these two new words. Spizzerinctum comes from an Appalachian word that means accomplishing goals through initiative, industry, independence and spontaneity. Leaping from the original Appalachian cultural context to a Christian worldview, Sweet coins spizzerinctum "holy boldness." I like that very much! Reading reminds me that I am not alone because many others have wrestled with what it means to actively live for Christ along with me. I am also reminded that Jesus didn't send the Twelve without the Spirit.
My sense of being disconnected has been magnified as I fight the emotions brought up by the recent pageantry and advocacy of a friend. I've learned that visibility often creates a need to present a face to the word that looks composed and whole even when that's just the surface. I've always hated surface-level connections because, as I was reminded yesterday, they're usually based largely on appearance. My patient, caring friends who provided these perspective reminders are correct, but how do I take that honesty, work through my doubts and live with holy boldness, which should not ever be superficial?! Jesus "shows His love in ways that are daring, imaginative, bold and in-the-moment,"(Gospel According to Starbucks, 85). I long to be seen that way!
My journey continues with the second word -- sprezzatura. This word points to concepts which are "simultaneous opposites." (Don't worry, I had to read that over more than once as well...) I think the intended meaning is beginning to take shape now. Sprezzatura is the ability to make hard things look easy, the effort of the effortless, and my favorite puzzle of all from Sweet is this one: "The key to sprezzatura is paradox, audacious spiritual algebra meets language of faith," (91). I absolutely adore that last image! Math meets words... That HAS to be God :)
The image of spiritual algebra makes me realize how much I need God. (I have severe mathematical learning disabilities, so it always took tremendous amounts of effort and prayer to eek through math classes.) I realize that the Lord has turned that struggle on its head, AGAIN! Unlike scientific math, Jesus was never limited to the same formula. As I try to process what to do with my long lost friend, two ideas come to mind. One is that she and I no longer see things the same way, so God must be the one to provide the healing paradox. Personally, it strikes me that acting as if all is well for the sake of appearances may only delay what is to come. That's what I meant by pageantry meeting visibility. Even though I feel extraordinary STUCK and royally confused today, perhaps I am better off wrestling things through now. Please keep reminding me Whom to focus upon!
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
No fear -- at least not fear that stops me from trusting God
This was the type of sermon that made me want to run while still pinning me to my chair. A few elements jumped out at me.
Mark 4:35-41
35 That day when evening came, he said to his disciples, "Let us go over to the other side."
36 Leaving the crowd behind, they took him along, just as he was, in the boat. There were also other boats with him.
37 A furious squall came up, and the waves broke over the boat, so that it was nearly swamped.
38 Jesus was in the stern, sleeping on a cushion. The disciples woke him and said to him, "Teacher, don't you care if we drown?"
39 He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, "Quiet! Be still!" Then the wind died down and it was completely calm.
40 He said to his disciples, "Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?"
41 They were terrified and asked each other, "Who is this? Even the wind and the waves obey him!"
The stern, (where Jesus was sleeping,) is the rear of the boat. Isn't it funny that when we think we can't find Jesus, that He was standing right behind us all the time?!
The opposite of faith is not doubt, it's FEAR. Jesus asked the disciples if they still had NO faith, (Mk. 4:40).
Two worldviews are painfully close to my heart, love and fear. No, faith does not take fear away, it just puts it in its place. This made me think of my family's desire for security and worldly guarantees. My counselor reminded me yesterday that no matter how discouraged I am now, I KNOW Who guarantees the hope of my future. I think that is the hope we must draw upon to walk through the storms. Love asks us to trust when all else seems lost.
Finally, having no fear doesn't mean not ever being afraid, it means moving through trusting that God is carrying us in our weakened states. This is where I get stuck. I'm tired of feeling weak and needing so much help. (Many physical spasms and transit reliability issues have magnified that feeling this week.) I sense that God is waiting for me to look up and realize that He has ideas for me to use when I'm ready to move on. Ouch!
Mark 4:35-41
35 That day when evening came, he said to his disciples, "Let us go over to the other side."
36 Leaving the crowd behind, they took him along, just as he was, in the boat. There were also other boats with him.
37 A furious squall came up, and the waves broke over the boat, so that it was nearly swamped.
38 Jesus was in the stern, sleeping on a cushion. The disciples woke him and said to him, "Teacher, don't you care if we drown?"
39 He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, "Quiet! Be still!" Then the wind died down and it was completely calm.
40 He said to his disciples, "Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?"
41 They were terrified and asked each other, "Who is this? Even the wind and the waves obey him!"
The stern, (where Jesus was sleeping,) is the rear of the boat. Isn't it funny that when we think we can't find Jesus, that He was standing right behind us all the time?!
The opposite of faith is not doubt, it's FEAR. Jesus asked the disciples if they still had NO faith, (Mk. 4:40).
Two worldviews are painfully close to my heart, love and fear. No, faith does not take fear away, it just puts it in its place. This made me think of my family's desire for security and worldly guarantees. My counselor reminded me yesterday that no matter how discouraged I am now, I KNOW Who guarantees the hope of my future. I think that is the hope we must draw upon to walk through the storms. Love asks us to trust when all else seems lost.
Finally, having no fear doesn't mean not ever being afraid, it means moving through trusting that God is carrying us in our weakened states. This is where I get stuck. I'm tired of feeling weak and needing so much help. (Many physical spasms and transit reliability issues have magnified that feeling this week.) I sense that God is waiting for me to look up and realize that He has ideas for me to use when I'm ready to move on. Ouch!
Being God's weed!
Over the last few weeks, I have been challenged by our sermons and my own inner wrestlings. Now, I'll try to express some of those musings.
The first challenging sermon talked about being a weed in the world because the mustard seed plant is actually a weed. I laughed out loud then. My mom is a fastidious gardener who cannot stand any weeds or out-of-place blooms. it's her way of "ordering" a corner of the world and continuously orchestrating its growth. I was struck by a few lines from what will always be known as the "Weeds for God" message. A mustard seed is apparently an annual plant, which would ordinarily not make a good home for birds and others who wish to establish themselves, but in the Lords economy, what seems absurd is often the way things come together best! Seeing that paradox under a spotlight reminds me why I have been planted as a "weed" in a family that loves gardening, order and beauty which they endeavor to control and train into the shape the think best. God makes me laugh! His plans are the most beautifully, impossible paradoxes ever. They are too good to be anything less than perfect in their time! The purposes of God persist despite the odds. Hallelujah!
Here are the verses from Mark 4:30-34:
30 Again he said, "What shall we say the kingdom of God is like, or what parable shall we use to describe it?
31 It is like a mustard seed, which is the smallest seed you plant in the ground.
32 Yet when planted, it grows and becomes the largest of all garden plants, with such big branches that the birds of the air can perch in its shade."
33 With many similar parables Jesus spoke the word to them, as much as they could understand.
34 He did not say anything to them without using a parable. But when he was alone with his own disciples, he explained everything.
I wrote of being challenged by a second message. New post will follow shortly!
The first challenging sermon talked about being a weed in the world because the mustard seed plant is actually a weed. I laughed out loud then. My mom is a fastidious gardener who cannot stand any weeds or out-of-place blooms. it's her way of "ordering" a corner of the world and continuously orchestrating its growth. I was struck by a few lines from what will always be known as the "Weeds for God" message. A mustard seed is apparently an annual plant, which would ordinarily not make a good home for birds and others who wish to establish themselves, but in the Lords economy, what seems absurd is often the way things come together best! Seeing that paradox under a spotlight reminds me why I have been planted as a "weed" in a family that loves gardening, order and beauty which they endeavor to control and train into the shape the think best. God makes me laugh! His plans are the most beautifully, impossible paradoxes ever. They are too good to be anything less than perfect in their time! The purposes of God persist despite the odds. Hallelujah!
Here are the verses from Mark 4:30-34:
30 Again he said, "What shall we say the kingdom of God is like, or what parable shall we use to describe it?
31 It is like a mustard seed, which is the smallest seed you plant in the ground.
32 Yet when planted, it grows and becomes the largest of all garden plants, with such big branches that the birds of the air can perch in its shade."
33 With many similar parables Jesus spoke the word to them, as much as they could understand.
34 He did not say anything to them without using a parable. But when he was alone with his own disciples, he explained everything.
I wrote of being challenged by a second message. New post will follow shortly!
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Annoying little stuff :)
My patience is being tested by a series of small, funny circumstances. All these things happened yesterday between 3-5pm.
Last night, my neighbor rigged the mailbox to open & close until my parents come home because the door came off in my hand when I went to get the mail! Then, the garage door went nutz. Ron got it close because it went loo loo just as my Shuttle ride arrived last night. Go figure! The garage door is now CLOSED and will stay that way. Good riddance :) I have one front door key, so I went to Home Depot this morning and had extra keys cut instead of buying a mailbox, which ha d been my original plan for the Home Depot trek... I'll give one key to my friend, Becca who is staying with me, and another to our neighbors just in case they need to enter and help me in an emergency. Cat is sick, too. Our friend Frankie was going o take her to the vet for me, but then she called Mom who said not to. Let me see, who is here with kitty to see her? Who is snorkeling in Hawaii, unable to see kitty and understand my concern for her?? UGH!
Details, details...
Last night, my neighbor rigged the mailbox to open & close until my parents come home because the door came off in my hand when I went to get the mail! Then, the garage door went nutz. Ron got it close because it went loo loo just as my Shuttle ride arrived last night. Go figure! The garage door is now CLOSED and will stay that way. Good riddance :) I have one front door key, so I went to Home Depot this morning and had extra keys cut instead of buying a mailbox, which ha d been my original plan for the Home Depot trek... I'll give one key to my friend, Becca who is staying with me, and another to our neighbors just in case they need to enter and help me in an emergency. Cat is sick, too. Our friend Frankie was going o take her to the vet for me, but then she called Mom who said not to. Let me see, who is here with kitty to see her? Who is snorkeling in Hawaii, unable to see kitty and understand my concern for her?? UGH!
Details, details...
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
More from Ezekiel as promised
The whole passage is Ezekiel 37:1-14, but the included verses are the ones that stuck with me. Here's why... In verse 1, The hand of the LORD was upon me, and he brought me out by the Spirit of the LORD and set me in the middle of a valley... makes me think that the Lord can and does ask us to enter a valley, knowing that His hand is there to guide us through whatever we find in that low, desolate place. Next, I connected to verse 3 because God is asking me what I think and then challenging me to remember that He knows things I cannot fathom!
He asked me, "Son of man, can these bones live?" I said, "O Sovereign LORD, you alone know." I really believe that the Spirit of God gives life in a unique way. Being asthmatic often reminds me that my "breath of life" accomplishes a myriad of things far beyond myself, but that I would not exist without breathing's unforeseen power. That is why I identified with verse 6, ...I will put breath in you, and you will come to life. Then you will know that I am the LORD.' " The last two lines of the passage spoke to me as well. Here are verses 13 and 14. Then you, my people, will know that I am the LORD... I will put my Spirit in you and you will live, and I will settle you in your own land. Then you will know that I the LORD have spoken, and I have done it, declares the LORD.' " Those last two lines spoke to me through their repetitive cadence because the part of me that struggles to trust what I read needs promises reinforced many times over. In that way, God will give me my own land, (perhaps in the form of home to call my own,) and He will do so in a way that leaves NO DOUBT of His ability to provide for me! There are more times than I can count when God has carried me out of painful places. Right now, I feel like I've been sitting on this valley floor for a long time, but I know not to rush Timing. Thanks to Ezekiel, I can see purpose slowly being formed in this bleak place.
He asked me, "Son of man, can these bones live?" I said, "O Sovereign LORD, you alone know." I really believe that the Spirit of God gives life in a unique way. Being asthmatic often reminds me that my "breath of life" accomplishes a myriad of things far beyond myself, but that I would not exist without breathing's unforeseen power. That is why I identified with verse 6, ...I will put breath in you, and you will come to life. Then you will know that I am the LORD.' " The last two lines of the passage spoke to me as well. Here are verses 13 and 14. Then you, my people, will know that I am the LORD... I will put my Spirit in you and you will live, and I will settle you in your own land. Then you will know that I the LORD have spoken, and I have done it, declares the LORD.' " Those last two lines spoke to me through their repetitive cadence because the part of me that struggles to trust what I read needs promises reinforced many times over. In that way, God will give me my own land, (perhaps in the form of home to call my own,) and He will do so in a way that leaves NO DOUBT of His ability to provide for me! There are more times than I can count when God has carried me out of painful places. Right now, I feel like I've been sitting on this valley floor for a long time, but I know not to rush Timing. Thanks to Ezekiel, I can see purpose slowly being formed in this bleak place.
One answer = many questions
Hello! I've been muddling through for the past few days. Here are some thoughts as I begin to break the surface: I met with Mike the Counselor alone yesterday morning. He now sees that all my parents' demands of me are based in their fear that I will not be able to provide for myself. He also can see that they continue to advocate for me as they always have, but that their brand of advocacy has never stopped to consider that I am now 29 yrs old with much different needs, wants and desires than I once had. While it's good to have Mike affirm all the frustrating things that I think and feel, none of those discoveries and affirmations make life less complicated or confusing yet... Bless you for praying, especially for discernment over how to proceed!
I met with a friend yesterday who's offered to pay me for writing help :) Her affirmation of my skills is priceless just now! I deliberately arrived a few minutes early so that I'd have time to look at a passage and scribble some notes in my journal before diving into her essay. I looked back at a piece of Ezekiel that has always intrigued me because of the logical impossibility of life springing up from dead, dry surroundings. During Sunday's sermon on that Ezekiel piece, I began to see a theme that God's most likely trying to use. Family life feels like a desert place, so I'm sure images the from Ezekiel of a valley and dry bones are NOT an accident! More on that later...
I met with a friend yesterday who's offered to pay me for writing help :) Her affirmation of my skills is priceless just now! I deliberately arrived a few minutes early so that I'd have time to look at a passage and scribble some notes in my journal before diving into her essay. I looked back at a piece of Ezekiel that has always intrigued me because of the logical impossibility of life springing up from dead, dry surroundings. During Sunday's sermon on that Ezekiel piece, I began to see a theme that God's most likely trying to use. Family life feels like a desert place, so I'm sure images the from Ezekiel of a valley and dry bones are NOT an accident! More on that later...
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