Chairs with big wheels, showers with benches and buses on sidewalks

My post title reminds me of a Dr Seuss lyric. I need the strength to advocate effectivelty in order to move beyond this funk. I am trying to move forward. That means moving OUT. I cannot do this alone, so I asked a friend for her help.
I have a favor to ask... I got a copy of the Tacoma area wheelchair access apt list yesterday. One of the listed complexes, Steeplchase in Lakewood, is marked as a property with roll-in showers. When you were looking for Lakewood area apts, did you go there? (It's off Steilacoom Blvd within a few blocks of the Albertsons, I think.) There are buses that run along Steilacoom Blvd as well. IF your schedule permits, could you & I look at it together? Please?! You're more practically minded and apartment savvy than me... THANKS!!

here is a portion of what I wrote in response to that friend:

I prefer to meet people in my manual chair at first. That sometimes minimizes the stigma of "power chair = less capable." I'd appreciate a ride from you! If you're willing, you could drive our wheelchair van. My parents' insurance covers 25+ and I assume you have a good driving record. From the looks of things, they only have 2 bedroom units open right now at Steeplechase and those all have bathtub/shower combos. I am hesitant to call and ask about wheelchair access because that usually illicits a "Great... can they pay??" type of awkward silence. YES, I need to get over that... I also know that moving will take time. (Both time for $$ and gathering furniture and other housewares.) Perhaps I'll have gathered enough courage to call and inquire about specific access features by then :) I hate having additional needs that I never asked Him for... Pray that any apt people I contact would be willing to work with me. That way if I am able to view a roll-in apt, I could test my bigger chair's dimensions against the surroundings. I usually leave it parked in a corner when I'm home, though.

I also went to the Pierce Transit trip planner page asnd entered Steeplechase's main address. The system suggested that I get off the 212 bus at Steilacoom and Hipkins, then walk .20 miles to the complex's address. (Go a block along Steilacoom and turn at 83rd). Not too bad; I think that area is all sidewalked anyhow.

I am also contemplating writing city & county officers to force Pierce to reverse (I pray!) my restricted Shuttle access. Found individual contact info for the members of the Pierce Transit Board of Commissioners and the Pierce County Coordinated Transportation Council yesterday. Thank God for library resources! It's very difficult for me think of HOW to write and advocacy letter now. I am too mad to think objectively or act courteously. They've beaten me down so many times that I just want to tell them off and LEAVE this county!

Let me know what you think of my schemes thus far. THANKS for your support!

Stubborn Love

Yesterday, I received an email from a courageous woman I am proud to call my friend!. She is a school teacher and single mom. Her husband decided to leave when their daughter was not quite 5 months old. My friend has spent the intervening year learning what it means to move on and love again in spite of great losses. The message she wrote me yesterday has the kind of wisdom that comes from circumstances refined by dizzying, painful fire. Her words underscore the lack of what I have been seeing at home.

Communication is critical between all people in any kind of relationship. My dad refuses to listen to any views that difier from his, and even though Mom tries to meet him in his world, he still will not budge. Terribly sad to be that stubborn. Destructive! My parents attended two family counseling sessions with me, but our John was really uncomfortable at the first one and told mom he'd never do that again. She told him that those actions showed that he didn't care about our family and wasn't willing to support either Mom or me. He did attend the 2nd meeting, but used it to tear into me verbally. I told my counselor after that yelling match that my family session attempts were finished. There are a few things I will not subject myself to... That's one of 'em!

My friend wrote that her heart breaks when she thinks about me being a casualty in the "parent war." My heart is definitely torn as I attempt NOT to pick sides or react reflexively to my parents. I feel like the "adult" in their war. I'm an outsider lookin' in for sure. Thankfully, I spoke to the TACID housing office half an hour ago. The lady promised to mail me a current housing list this afternoon.

Continue to pray for us. I am afraid my parents' marriage is in danger.

Family... and why I seek "alone" places

Today, I wonder where the line is between being compassionate and still making sure that people keep their word... especially when that word includes a signed rental contract. AHH! Divided house here. Now John's muttering about me not being much of a Christian because I think the rental tenants ought to fulfill their agreements before moving, rather than pity the tenant's drunkenness. Is responsibility REALLY that foreign?!

My parents are just the same as always. Stuck but unsure of how to move. It's their marriage, not mine, so even when they seek my views, I say very little. Money = stability in my family. When circumstances arise (like a soon-to-be-vacant rental house,) Mom goes off because she cannot predict or control the outcomes. UGH. Neither of my parents can see that the other one has a different communication style, so they don't try to speak the his or her language. Perhaps this is why I live with them. God has opened my eyes to the crucial importance of learning HOW to communicate well. Scares me. I am very much like my mom, so I pray daily that the hand of God causes me think and act differently. Sometimes I wonder if my outspoken and opinionated life is why I don't date... who knows?! Right now, I think it'd be easier to live a single's life forever rather than tear down your spouse because both sides are not aware of a need to see things through the other's eyes. My parents are blind and foolish. Counseling helps ME see this, but THEY need to go for the sake of their marriage. I made myself two gin & tonics last night. "Beersti" needs a break!

In PROGRESS news, I am still on the waiting list for one accessible apt across the street from TCC, but there are many interested disabled renters ahead of me, so that will take many months of waiting. Other people have the same needs as mine. Apt hunting is very tricky because "normal" complexes only have to offer 30" wide doorways under building codes called "universal access." That's great, but I need more to live independently. Those needed pieces are: bathroom railings, a shower with a bench -- NO bathtubs. Hotels and assisted living buildings have those things, but they're very rare in the "real" world. Most disabled people have care staff, so the assumption is that access can be supplemented by that person. I don't need or want that kind of personal care, though. I am too proud and it's too private.

God KNOWS my needs. I wonder when He will open the doors that meet them. Sigh...

God as Scientist

Yesterday's creation vs. evolution sermon wasn't what I expected. I believe that God works through science, even in spite of the mindset of some doctors I met as a child. I grew up in a family that still asserts "I don't need God, I have doctors." This gives me plenty to wrestle with. As a child, I hated having to work so hard to physically move. I was confused and mad because my orthopedic surgeon, Dr. Mosca, was always trying to make me walk better and seem more like the other kids while my legs wouldn't cooperate. My parents wanted me to walk as much as I could. They hoped a type of corrective surgery would give me more chances to fit in with my peers. I remember Dr. Mosca telling me that once he did my 5-tendon releases-per-leg surgery, I'd be able to walk with arm crutches and not need my wheels in the house any longer. His over-confident, Italian charms mollified my frightened mom and aggravated my dad's sense of male pride. I trusted Dr. Mosca with the depth only a child possesses... falsely. I suffered nerve damage and never managed to do more than stand for 20 seconds with arm crutches. So much for a doctor's promises, I thought... Needless to say, I resented the title calling God "Great Physician" for ages.

Over the past few years, God has allowed me to meet a few doctors, even a surgeon, who are chipping my former ideas away. As I get to know these doctors personally, I see them as compassionate Christians who find the Lord in medicine. A year or so ago I found a book at the library called "The Language of God: A Scientist Presents Evidence for Belief," written by Dr. Francis S. Collins. Dr. Collins heads the Human Genome Project. He dedicated his life and profession to the Lord in the midst of mapping DNA and studying biochemistry. This book is written in a very approachable style that had me hooked within pages. Reading Dr. Collins' zest for faith through medicine began to shift my thinking.

I may never know what Dr. Mosca, my pediatric orthopedic surgeon believes, but God has provided ways for me to excel even after my body did not react as "promised" after the surgery I endured. Yesterday's sermon didn't say that God is a creationist or evolutionist. He is Creator, period. He made me and those who care for me with their best knowledge and skills. I've learned that doctors don't know everything, though. Thank God I don't have to, either!

Walking with God, in word and motion

Those of you who know me best have likely heard me quip over "walking" with God. Long ago, the Lord showed me that regardless of my physical skill, I'll always walk with Him. I have been thinking about that lately because a few weeks ago I took part in a class where Jackson explained some of the history and Scriptural underpinnings for baptism and Communion. As our conversation went on, we talked about how language must be inclusive of all members of God's family. Jackson said that when he sees me, he has to think of rolling rather than walking... No thanks! (That makes me think of rolling on the floor... in the hay, down the mountain... clearly I digress :)

When Jackson told me that he thinks of me, perhaps struggling, to roll down the sloped Sanctuary aisle, I assured him that I prefer to come forward for Communion because that's one way I move toward God. Accepting the Bread and Cup in my seat wouldn't feel as participatory. Other people in the class then spoke of churches where the Bread and Cup were served along the pews while people remained seated. One of the most meaningful acts on Communion Sunday for me is the walk down that aisle. The walkway is steeper than it looks and I have slid more than once, but I feel compelled to advance under my own power as that time is between God and me. Each time Communion is served, I usually have the blessing of "fending off" offers from several people who wish to push me back to my usual place at the top of the aisle. I cannot tell you how much I enjoy everyone's desire to include and assist me! Those kindnesses are more powerful than you know.

This most recent Sunday, the miracle of Communion taught me another lesson. I attended our early worship service and was seated behind two ladies in their 80s who use walkers. I know one of those ladies from when she served as a greeter 8 years ago. Miss Vivian was one of the early people who made me feel welcome. The ushers were preparing for communion and asked me if I wished to be served in my seat. I declined, thanked them and went forward on my own. I returned and sat in prayer, only to look up and watch with blurry, grateful eyes as Miss Vivian and her walker-using sister were served two pews in front of me. This act of love and inclusion was not mentioned or done with spectacle, just compassionately offered and received. How like Jesus! At the end of our worship service, both ladies' walkers were returned to them and they rose to leave. I was struck by that act, too, because I realized that earlier in the morning when the ladies entered the sanctuary and sat, ushers moved their walkers which allowed them to simply be part of God's family. NO unwanted distinction from mobility devices present themselves in His Sanctuary. How good is God to preserve our dignity! Many of us are blessed by near-total access to the UPPC buildings, which allows those with mobility limitations to simply participate as our hearts desire. Thank you!