family. loyalty. betrayal.

Being a Christian is a paradox. My family life stinks and I am in pain, but the love of God through others is unmistakable now! On Monday, I broke down again, this time in the presence of my counselor. We have been wading through several layers of muck as I grapple with life. Mike the Counselor said he used to think that the divide between Mom & I was one of Christian vs. Not-one-yet. As I was tearfully trying to put the events of the last two weeks into words, I could see that Mike was praying. He looked at me and said, "loyalty." I stopped because family is EVERYTHING to Mom. Honoring her parents' dream and expectations is central. She expects me to do that as well. When my Christ loyalty trumps mom-loyalty, her heart breaks and she lashes out in fearful anger. I am her scapegoat.

Mike caught my attention again and said, "maybe your mom feels betrayed by your loyalty to the Christian family because she cannot understand what it's like to be part of two..." I said, "Yes! My church family has loved me through times when my human family could not." Instead of being grateful, I really think my mom feels that I am betraying her by turning to those who show me Christ's love. Sadly, the people of God have been very suportive of me recently, while my own family members are too lost and bewildered to see that I need and want to be part of them as well...

I do not like this parable from Jesus, but the words ring in my ears. The NIV places this passage under a heading that reads: "Not Peace but Division" NO JOKE!

Luke 12:51-53 NIV
⁵¹Do you think I came to bring peace on earth? No, I tell you, but division. ⁵²From now on there will be five in one family divided against each other, three against two and two against three. ⁵³They will be divided, father against son and son against father, mother against daughter and daughter against mother, mother-in-law against daughter-in-law and daughter-in-law against mother-in-law."

Dear God, PLEASE HELP US ALL!