Further Explaining To Do...

If some of you read my previous post and thought I was typing an indictment against the Bible Study group I cherish or my work friends, let me try again. I enjoy my TCC friends. We laugh and teach students together, so that's always a welcome challenge! However, when I am overlooked by any person, for whatever reason, the PAIN of knowing I'm different surfaces faster than I can handle...

Women's Bible Study is one of the few places where I don't feel the twinge of being single... I don't feel odd there. Miraculously, I just enjoy the stories and the courage of many ladies who battle "invisible and lonely syndrome" even though they're older than me. If anything, I have learned about relationships and seen glimpses of how to build strong marriages from women in our group. God knows I want to use that skill someday, so maybe that's why I get to observe and listen for now. I've also learned that human love isn't perfect -- not even from a Godly man, so it's best to find your identity in God alone and then let a husband complement that, IF the Lord grants you one...

About loneliness: a college minister I studied under once referred to an earlier time in his life when he had to make a tough choice. A mentor told hm it'd be better to follow Jesus into the desert then a human anywhere. That minister friend of mine never said what his exact needs were then, but the story has stayed with me for a few years now. Pain like the recent, unknowing insensitivity of my work peers makes me love Jesus more! Going into a cocoon with God would be easier, but I love people too much!! What I long for is romance built from a long-standing friendship. The kind that speaks without any real words. Being known and loved that well is beyond description! I think love like that's the best gift of all :) Only a best friend would bear with me in my struggles and love me enough to tell me when to SHUT UP, too! My life isn't sexy, it's just real. I'm blessed either way, but content is a word I usually prefer to cut out of the Epistles...

Bless your consideration and willingness to learn from me; my own generation pisses me off today!